


Black and Silver and Red, and Blue Pink White Blue Pink

by max_is_gayAF



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual, Bisexual Sirius Black, Child Abuse, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Remus Lupin, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, MWPP, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Multi, Slash, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, non-binary, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25374040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/max_is_gayAF/pseuds/max_is_gayAF
Summary: Sirius Black has a secret. He’s pretty sure his new friends have secrets too, but likely none of them as big a deal as his, except probably Remus’.From his first day at Hogwarts, to his last, and into the First Wizarding War, navigating life as Sirius Orion Black was never going to be easy, but at least he has his friends, right?!(I’m terrible at summaries but basically this is a trans Sirius AU fic, but most other elements are canon-compliant)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Original Character(s), Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Black and Silver and Red, and Blue Pink White Blue Pink

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (who happens to own the rights to everything you recognise) to write this, because if she’s going to be a transphobic piece of shit, I’m going to make the Potterverse very trans, in a form of self-soothing or something, as Harry Potter was my childhood, and now I’m trans, and hating how my favourite childhood author hates me and people like me

He had been so eager to start Hogwarts and get away from his parents, but the way the crowd stared at his family, stared at him, dwindled down his excitement and replaced it with fear.

What if they decided they didn’t actually want to teach someone from a family of Dark Wizards and he was sent back home to live out the rest of his days as who his parents wanted him to be?

No, he told himself vehemently, he was not going back to that life. Squaring his shoulders and raising his chin the way he’d always been instructed, he nodded curtly to his parents, patted Regs on he head with a small smile, and was glad to see his cousins had broken off from their group to greet friends of theirs.

“Goodbye Capella,” Father said, making him wince, “We look forward to good news of your achievements.” The threat was clear to Sirius even if any eavesdroppers likely wouldn’t have.

He bowed his head a little, refusing to curtesy but not willing to risk a full bow, and then he was wheeling his trunk onto the scarlet train.

He’s been grateful for the season’s weather giving him the excuse of wearing standard formal robes over his formal dress, but as soon as he’d located an empty and secluded compartment to stow his trunk, he’d grabbed his satchel from within and was dashing to the toilets to change into the clothes he’d stowed there for that very purpose.

Wearing black trousers and a long-sleeved grey button-up, he emerged from the cubicle and headed back to the compartment. He’d hoped that its awkward location compared to the rest of the carriage that it would still be empty but of course, it was not.

There was a couple kissing on one bench, both Gryffindors based on their ties, and one was a prefect based on his badge.

Opposite them, sat a small, scarred boy in faded and ripped muggle clothing, who looked so intent not moving his eyes away from the book that Sirius wondered if he’d look away even when the pair stopped trying to eat each other faces.

This query was answered when he slid open the compartment door, causing the prefect to jump away from the girl looking embarrassed, but all the reader did was flinch slightly whilst keeping his eyes resolutely fixed on the words in front of him.

“You’re a Black, aren’t you?” asked the girl as Sirius sat. “Why aren’t you sitting with the other blood supremacists a couple carriages down?”

Sirius clenched and unclenched his jaw. “I had to get my good looks from somewhere, shame it was through centuries of inbreeding but eh,” he shrugged, smirking, “it resulted in me looking like this, so I guess it’s not too bad.”

They both looked conflicted at his words, as if they hadn’t expected a member of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black to talk like Sirius did, but simultaneously thinking that yeah that was exactly how they expected a Black to speak and behave.

“Sirius Black,” he introduced, breaking the silence and holding his hand out.

“Alice Prewett,” said the girl.

“Frank Longbottom,” said the boy. “Never heard of a Sirius Black though, but I guess that’s just part of being part of such a enormous family.”

“Yes. Well,” Sirius flummoxed, both because he hated the slight on his blood, and also because he knew exactly why Longbottom hadn’t heard of Sirius Black. “Never heard of either of you, and both of your families are pretty large too.”

“Point taken,” laughed the girl though her apprehension was palpable; there was a clear difference between the Black family and most other Wizarding families.

The rest of the train ride passed in near-silence - the couple talking quietly amongst themselves, and the other boy still hunched over his book.

Sirius had pulled out his own book but not for the same swotty reasons he’d assumed were to blame for the silent stranger’s obsession.

Since he’d realised his discomfort in his body’s development, he’d spent ages researching possible potions and spells that could help him be himself, to little avail. The current book he was reading was titled _Advanced Transfiguaratory Potions_ and had been prefaced by an assumption that anyone reading it had at least brewed polyjuice before. Sirius hadn’t, even though he’d wanted to since he’d learnt of its existence, because even though the required ingredients were all within reach in his house, many of them being extremely rare and Mother would definitely notice if any went missing. And anyway, even if Sirius’s potions aptitude was up to the task of brewing any of the potions in the book, none of them seemed able to do what he needed them to.

Eventually, Sirius folded the page of his book and returned it to his trunk, retrieving instead, his brand new school robes and other school uniform stuff, but leaving his plain tie in his case. He had a love-loathe relationship with ties. But mostly loathe. The only reason he sometimes loved them was because they could be relatively gender affirming when he wasn’t being strangled with one by his parents.

Changed again, he returned to find that the boy had somehow changed too, into obviously secondhand uniform, and returned to his book which, Sirius noticed, was only a few pages from the end.

Longbottom was not in the compartment anymore.

Prewett answered the silent question briskly, and without looking up from reading what Sirius assumed to have been summer homework: “prefect duties.”

No more than twenty minutes later, the Hogwarts Express was pulling to a halt at Hogsmeade Station, and the boy who’d spent the entire journey reading that one paperback finally slammed it close, a smile dancing on his marked face.

_I guess he finished it at the perfect time,_ thought Sirius.

Sirius was the first out of the compartment – Prewett still waiting for Longbottom, and the boy seeming eager to stay hidden in his corner rather than alight the train. He supposed he was grateful for that because any more unnecessary time with him would only increase Sirius’ levels of tense energy that had somehow been controlled on the train but which was now eager to cause mayhem.

Shooed onto a boat with three other students, two boys and a girl, both boys grimaced at him because they knew his family, but the girl just stared up the castle on their approach, awe filled and smiling. When Sirius didn’t curse them, the boys also allowed themselves to let the awe take over, and soon Sirius did too.

He’d seen photos with it in the background for sure, and had obviously been told stories set within its walls – but he’d never _seen_ it before.

He zoned out of McGonagall’s speech about the sorting ceremony because he was too busy panicking about which name they’d call out to listen to a spiel that he’d already heard from his parents. He’d owled Dumbledore in secret a few weeks prior, asking for his school record to be altered to read Sirius Orion Black instead of Capella Walburga Black in all instances except for letters his parents may see, and Dumbledore had dutifully sent a reply with the outer envelope addressed to Miss C. Black, and the inner letter addressed to Mr Black, but Sirius still worried. If they called out Capella everyone would know.

He was third alphabetically so he was third to be sorted, and McGonagall had thankfully read the correct name out. He only winced when he heard a gasp from the Slytherin table. He’d forgotten about Narcissa.

_Fuck._

At least Bella wasn’t a student any more - Cissy had always been kinder to him than their other close family members, save perhaps Regs, and Bella had always loathed Sirius’ guts.

The hat was silent for a solid two minutes before it started muttering about courage vs ambition vs cleverness. “Any of them would be honoured to have you,” it spoke loudly, “except probably Hufflepuff, but the best fit for you is GRYFFINDOR!”

He was shocked as the hat was removed from his head but the swagger to the red table came naturally. He’d played many roles in his life so playing a confident Gryffindor was easy.

He was greeted by the couple from the train first, grins and handshakes and some hair tousling until the next student was called.

A few girls were sorted into Gryffindor, including the girl from the boat, Lily Evans, but it was ages before the next boy.

“Remus Lupin” was called up, and Sirius finally learnt the bookworm’s name. He was also surprised to notice that, when his face wasn’t buried in a book, he looked ill as well as scarred. His complexion was grey against the amber of his hair, and there were dark circles around his amber eyes, and he looked even skinnier than he had hunched over.

Sirius was shocked when the hat called out “Gryffindor!” having barely touched the boy’s head.

_Gryffindor?_ thought Sirius. _Him?_

Lupin sat three spaces up from, and on the opposite side of the table from Sirius because of the spattering of Gryffindor girls that had been sorted in between them.

Sirius held back a pout. He was curious to talk to the boy who’d refused to speak for several hours on the train up, but was somehow so definitely a Gryffindor according to the hat.

Of course he didn’t pout though. Boys didn’t pout, and more importantly, _Blacks_ didn’t pout either – Mother and Father had drilled that into him from the moment he was born.

Two more boys were sorted into Gryffindor shortly after Lupin – James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. They were both purebloods so Sirius was apprehensive about their prior knowledge of his family’s activities, whilst also pleased because at least if he befriended purebloods then his parents were less likely to curse him when he went home for Christmas, even if there were rumours that the Potters had recently displayed some blood traitor tendencies. Slightly less likely to curse him.

Slightly.

Several more girls and two boys also joined Gryffindor, but Sirius had been too busy laughing at an older Slytherin whose robes had suddenly become covered in vomit from an unknown source.

Pettigrew had smirked and laughed through the ordeal, and Potter had cast a wink and knowing look at Sirius when they’d made eye-contact.

_Yes,_ thought Sirius, _these are the people who are going to be my friends._ Then, as an afterthought: _And hopefully Lupin too, if I can actually get him to_ talk _._

Throughout the ensuing feast, he felt his chances of friendship with them increase because, whilst they were clearly itching to enquire how a Black could be a Gryffindor, they _didn’t_ ask.

Lupin talked to some of the older students, and the girl from Sirius’ boat, but that was pretty much it.

Sirius had tried to listen in to his conversations, but he only seemed capable polite small talk, and Sirius had quickly grown bored, instead being enraptured in Potter’s tale of his broom

crash over the summer, several details being obviously embellished, exaggerated, or simply made up.

Between the main course and dessert, Narcissa stalked up to the Gryffindor and pointedly stood directly behind Sirius who’d been mid-sentence in conversation with Marlene McKinnon, another first year.

“A word, _cousin_ ,” she drawled with such deliberately elegant maliciousness that Sirius almost didn’t realise her choice of address.

As he stood to follow her to a more secluded area, he heard yet more speculations about “the first Black in Gryffindor” from his fellow Gryffindors, and “disappointment to his family” from several of the Slytherins. At least he didn’t need to come up with an excuse about their conversation.

“Explain,” Narcissa ordered.

“I’m – I’m a boy, Cissy.” Sirius felt choked by the admission as he made it, but he pressed on – if the hat thought he belonged in Gryffindor, then he was going to act like he belonged in Gryffindor. “I’m a wizard, not a witch. I’ve known for about a year or so but you _can’t_ tell anyone else, _especially_ any of our family.” Narcissa opened her mouth but Sirius wasn’t finished. “If I find out you’ve told anyone, I’ll Crucio you into next month, you know my parents always focused more on the Unforgivables than yours.” He was half-bluffing but he _had_ been forced to practice it for years, and he definitely would be tempted if she spilled.

“I wasn’t going to,” Narcissa said quickly. “I’m not going to tell, I’m just shocked is all. What’s your name now then?”

The breath that Sirius had been holding was released, and in its place a fountain of relief flooded into every crevice of his being.

Cissy definitely wasn’t Andromeda, but she wasn’t Bellatrix either, or any of their other relatives for that matter. She was sort of reasonable in her own way. Just a girl trying to make her way in a family where all that was expected of her was to marry someone from what her parents deemed a “good family” and produce pretty little inbred pureblooded heirs to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black and whatever family her future husband heralded from, which basically just meant someone else from the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black because most pureblood family trees overlapped in some way or other, but between families like the Blacks and the Malfoys and the McNairs and the Crabbes, there were crossovers at every branch.

“My name’s Sirius like the Dog Star,” Sirius replied, “Sirius Orion Black.”

Cissy nodded in approval at his name choice – that he’d stuck to the family tradition of being named after stars, and that he’d taken his father’s name as his middle one. It had seemed logical to Sirius to do both of these. If he had a star name then people were less likely to question his name, and it was custom in pureblood society for the eldest child to bear the parent of their gender’s name in a display of family ties. Sirius had thought to himself, many times both before and after realising his gender, that he probably would’ve tried to change his middle name anyway, if he could’ve gotten away with it, even if he wasn’t a wizard, because Walburga was a vile name, and Walburga was an even viler woman.

“Well Sirius, I will not tell anyone who you used to be known as,” said Narcissa kindly. “But I have to wonder about the others who met you before today?”

“The last time I was unable to escape a formal family gathering was almost three years ago, so if nothing else I’ve definitely grown since then. And I doubt anyone will assume that the eldest child from the central Black line is the same who was sorted into Gryffindor tonight?” He laughed a little, trying to act like his Gryffindor status wasn’t equally worrisome as his gender.

“Oh yeah, about that, after this I can’t speak to you,” said Narcissa. “If you’d have been a Ravenclaw it might have been okay, but Gryffindors have been our house’s sworn enemies since the Founders’ time.”

“Sorry,” said Sirius instantly. “Well not really. I don’t know. I’m a bit in shock about that myself.” He laughed again, but this time it was even more obviously fake. “At least I don’t have to put up with your _prefect_ _boyfriend_.” His face paled in realisation. “Shit. Lucius.”

“I didn’t even think,” whispered Narcissa hopelessly. She liked the guy, and he was exactly who their families all wanted her to marry one day, but it definitely wasn’t love, and he _definitely_ had seen Sirius more recently than three years previous, and he _definitely_ didn’t _care_ for Sirius in any way.

“Pass on my promise of many curses if he says anything whilst I try to think of something.” Sirius tried to sound light and not like he was internally punching himself in the face for his stupidity, but he didn’t really succeed, not that Narcissa had the chance to mention it.

Professor McGonagall rounded the corner at point, however, and both Blacks stiffened in apprehension at the trouble they were presumably in, despite not having actually broken any rules.

“A word please, Mr Black,” said McGonagall, “in private please, Miss Black.”

“Of course Professor,” said Narcissa politely before heading back towards the Great Hall.

“What can I do for you, Professor?” asked Sirius, turning on the Black charm.

“Firstly, I wished to congratulate you on being sorted into my house,” she started. “It may have been a shock to you and others, but the Gryffindor is honoured to have you.” She smiled and Sirius wondered if his impression of her as cold and strict was correct, because all Sirius could see was someone who felt like one of the motherly characters from the muggle children’s books his uncle had given him for his fifth birthday. “I was also requested by Professor Dumbledore to discuss your gender issues with you?”

Sirius swallowed. “Oh.” His mind was blank. “Do all the teachers know?”

McGonagall shook her head. “Professor Dumbledore only told the heads of houses and Madam Pomfrey. We’re all here to help if you want or need us, and as it happens, the headmaster has already requested that we research any possible methods of helping with some of your physical issues.”

_Yes,_ thought Sirius, _definitely a fictional motherly figure._

“Er... thank you, Professor.” Sirius wanted to ram his head into a wall. _Where the hell was his usual confidence and charm?_

“Of course,” she replied. “Professor Dumbledore also requested that I inform you that he has charmed the castle and its grounds so that anyone who tries to say or write your old name, will either fail to say anything, or say your real name instead.”

Sirius was speechless. Once again, mentally cursing the failure of his Black family swagger. “Tell him ‘thank you’, please?” he said after a short pause. “That really means a lot to me.”

He meant it. If anyone worked out who he was, then at least they would be unable to out him to anyone else.

That night, two of the Gryffindor prefects including Longbottom showed them to their common room and then came the tricky part.

Sirius had heard that all the houses’ girls’ dormitories had inbuilt defensive charms against boys entering, but he’d also heard that whilst there were less precautions against girls in the boys’ dorm, girls still needed to be invited in, and even then their stay was cut short by the castle’s magic.

Sirius was banking on that not happening. He definitely didn’t want to tell his new potential friends that the reason he’d been barred entry, or worse still, been kicked out by the tower, was that he was “a girl” by most people’s standards.

He feigned anger at Potter for claiming the front of the group and they each stuck their tongues out and laughed, and Sirius was grateful he wasn’t to be the first in the dorm.

He hesitated slightly once Potter had entered, fear washing over him at the possible ensuing humiliation.

“You coming, Black?” asked James, jokingly.

“‘Course,” grinned Sirius. “Just allowing you all to appreciate the grandeur that is Sirius Black entering his new home for the next seven years.” And then, with a pose, and a flounce, and several other unnecessary gestures that had already become very much _Sirius_ , he stepped though the door.

Nothing happened.

Of course, there was still the possibility that he’d be forcibly evicted later that night, but that fact didn’t lessen the validation he felt in that moment.

He was a _boy_ , and the castle recognised him as a _boy_ , and the fact that an omniscient magical castle recognised his gender meant more to Sirius than he’d expected.

He grinned, spinning round to look at the four-poster beds, and the red curtains, and the lion emblems, and Potter, and the other other boys as they entered.

Lupin was the last in the group, looking somehow worse than he’d done at the sorting, and Sirius felt his adulation dim a little as he stumbled to where his trunk had been deposited, collapsed on his bed,, and shut the curtains around him.

All without saying a word, meaning Sirius, who’d spent almost ten hours in close proximity to the boy, still hadn’t heard him speak at all.

The next morning, Sirius woke up way earlier than he wanted, to the sound of the dormitory door slamming behind someone.

Sirius opened his curtains and found Potter in his bed with the curtains open and still asleep, Pettigrew’s curtains closed, and Lupin’s curtains half-open,

_Of course it had been_ him _that woke him up,_ Sirius thought bitterly as he realised that he definitely needed to use the bathroom before returning to sleep.

He crept out of the dorm a lot quieter than Lupin had, and heard someone wretching in the first cubicle so settled on the second.

After finishing his business, he was a lot more awake, partially because the floor was freezing on his bare feet, and partially because the occupier of the next cubicle had not stopped throwing up.

“Lupin is that you?” Sirius asked once he’d washed his hands.

“Go away!” came the croaked shout of a response; the first words Sirius had heard Remus Lupin say.

“Nope!” replied Sirius cheerily. “I’m going to stay here and make sure you don’t vomit to death!”

“Fuck y –” he tried to say, but was cut of as he threw up again.

“Do you want me to get the healer?” asked Sirius.

“No. I’m fine.”

“Well you’re clearly not but I won’t if you don’t want me too, unless you pass out or something.” Sirius was leaning on the sinks, wishing he was dressed in something better than his green and silver silk pyjamas his parents had given him. Not that it particularly mattered – no one else entered the bathroom so no one saw his obtusely incorrect colour scheme.

After a few minutes, Lupin managed to stop throwing up, and stumbled his way to the sinks.

Sirius cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner as he “Accio”’d a glass, and filled it from the tap, passing it to the gaunt boy who was almost doubled over.

Lupin took the glass with shaking hands, and forced himself to drink half. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Don’t mention it,” said Sirius with a grin which Lupin almost definitely didn’t see. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital wing? You look like you’re going to either throw up some more, or keel over, or just die, any second.”

“Gee thanks,” muttered Lupin, and Sirius realised then and there that he _needed_ this boy to become his friend; anyone who could make sarcastic comments in the face of adversity was welcome in Sirius Black’s entourage.

“Still don’t wanna go then?”

“Nah, I think I just ate too much at the feast last night.” Sirius didn’t need to have seen Lupin before the feast to know that it was a complete lie, and definitely not why he was ill, because the tone was one he’d heard echoed back in his own voice on a number of occasions when someone, usually his Uncle Alphard or cousin Andromeda, had seen the evidence his parents had left.

Lupin was trying to downplay his suffering with a relatable joke, and Sirius Black was not going to let him get away with it. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic in a very long time (the first on this account as I’ve lost my old password, but everything on that account was drivel so oh well!)
> 
> I can’t promise how long it’ll be except that there will be about 2 or 3 chapters per year at Hogwarts, and then a few more for after that, and I definitely can’t promise how frequently it’ll be updated, but I’m going to aim for at least a chapter per week, especially whilst lockdown is still going on
> 
> Also, none of this is beta’d so any issues are entirely my fault sorry


End file.
